Image by Ivana Tomášková from Pixabay

Chapter 2 – Fiera

It was the sound of the monitor beeping that told her she wasn’t still hanging in the office. Where was she then? This didn’t look like any of the medical facilities they’d taken her to before. Had they found somewhere new to take her?

Fiera tried to lift her arms, not expecting to be able to move them and was startled to find she wasn’t restrained. She stared at her hands, thin and covered in scars with nutrient feeds coming out of them. They never left her free to move. It was too easy for her to escape. What was going on?

“Fiera? Can you hear me?”

That voice. It sounded so familiar. And it wasn’t Michi Nakano or Lakshmi Khurana. Fiera turned and focused on a blonde-haired woman. A name surfaced through her muddled thoughts. “Emele?” she whispered, remembering the medical officer who’d once treated her for Xenospar exposure. She was Gaspare’s sister. If Gaspare’s sister was there, was she free?

Emele Benoit smiled with some relief. “Thank the stars, you do remember me.”

“You…yelled at…your…father…” Fiera trailed off, unable to speak past the coughing fit that seized her.

“Easy, Fiera. You don’t need to talk right now. Are you in any pain?” Emele was watching her closely. Fiera nodded. “All right. I’m going to increase the pain killers in the nanites while hopefully helping to clear your head.”

“Emele…how…who…?” Fiera felt the rush of pain killing flood through her and took a deep breath. Her voice was still no better than a whisper, but she didn’t hurt as much.

“We found out where you were and went in to rescue you,” a hoarse voice next to her said.

She turned her head. Her eyes widened as she took in the impossibly tall figure slumped in a chair beside her. He looked pale and exhausted, and there were shadows under his eyes that could only come from a lack of sleep. But he was there, alive, sitting next to her bed.

Her breath came in ragged gasps as she fought the wave of panic that washed over her. Michi and Lakshmi had told her he was dead. They’d said he died on Junna. He couldn’t be alive. Emele couldn’t be here. Was this some sort of trick?

“Kuen, you’d better go. You’re upsetting her,” Emele said.

“No,” Fiera managed to get out between gasps.

He understood better than Emele did. He stood and walked over to the bed. Kneeling beside her, he took one of her hands in his. “Breathe, Fiera. Can you count for me? Count backwards from one hundred. Focus on the numbers. One hundred, ninety nine, ninety eight, what comes next?”

“Ninety – ninety seven,” Fiera said. “Ninety six.” As she counted the panic started to subside.

“This won’t always help, but it’s something that helps me when the panic sets in,” Kuen said. “Fiera, I swear, if I’d known she had you I would have come for you sooner. We only found out three weeks ago that you were there.”

“Three…weeks? How…long…?” Fiera wasn’t sure she wanted the answer, but she knew she needed to know.

Emele took a deep breath. “You’ve been in Michi Nakano’s hands for eight months, Fiera.”

The calm vanished and everything came crashing down. Fiera gave a soft shriek and tried to cover her face with her hands. She flailed as a particularly vicious memory seized her in its grasp. Choking and convulsing she didn’t know when the nanites flooded her system with a dose of sedatives. She did know when darkness swallowed her.

She woke again some time later to the sound of the heart rate monitor and someone crying. It sounded like a man. Who is that? Did they torture someone else because I wasn’t playing the game? “Kuen, it’s okay. She’s been through hell, and it’ll be hard for her to cope. Sedating her was the best thing for her. You heard Em.”

Gaspare? I wasn’t dreaming. I’m free.

“It’s my fault, Gaspare.” His voice sounded as broken as she felt. “I should have found some other way. Junna was a disaster front to back and it was my fault.” Kuen sounded almost like he was hyperventilating.

“Breathe, Kuen. Do I need to get Em to give you a sedative too?” Gaspare was genuinely concerned about him. Fiera could hear it.

“Kuen?” Her voice was so small, so quiet, so weak.

He still heard it. He was at her side in between one heartbeat and the next. His face was stained with tears and there was a haunted look in his soulful grey eyes. “Fiera?” His voice was soft.

“Kuen.” She tried to raise a hand but found herself tied down. The panic swelled and she started gasping. Kuen leaned over her and pressed a few buttons. Her hand rose. He caught it in his.

“Breathe, Fiera. She restrained you so you wouldn’t hurt yourself. I removed the restraints. It’s all right,” Kuen said, stroking her hand.

Fiera hiccupped and tried to stop the panic attack. “Kuen, I’m scared. I can’t stop it.”

He looked at her. “Do you want to go back to sleep?”

“Yes. But stay.” She tried to squeeze his hand but found she had no strength.

“I won’t go anywhere, Fiera.” He pressed the button and soon she was back in the darkness.

“You shouldn’t have removed the restraints without my permission.” Emele’s irritated voice pulled her out of the darkness this time.

“Em, you’ve seen enough combat vets to know that when you get one with that level of panic you do what it takes to calm them,” Gaspare snapped. “What were we supposed to do, just let her have a full-blown panic attack? That would have caused even more damage.”

“Kuen?” Fiera’s voice held a hint of the rising flood of panic. Where was he? She needed to see him. She needed to know he was alive.

“He’s asleep to your right, Fiera,” Emele said. “Just turn your head.”

Fiera turned her head and saw him sleeping on the next bed over. It looked like he’d been sedated too. “Asleep?”

“Yes, I knocked him out. He’s been awake for seventy-two hours and even Kuen can’t be up that long without some rest, Fiera,” Gaspare said, moving into her line of sight. He made sure she could still see Kuen. “How are you feeling?”

“Scared, can’t breathe,” Fiera said as the panic welled up again.

“Fiera, I’m going to give you something to help with the fear without knocking you out again. Is that okay? Or would you rather go back to sleep?” Emele asked.

“No sleep.” No more darkness. She’d been in the dark for too long. She needed to see the light. She needed to see him.

“Okay. Now, I’m not going to do this often because these are potent drugs. But you can talk to Gaspare for a bit, and I’ll give you something to keep you from throwing up so you can eat,” Emele said, tapping something in on the console.

A rush of something entered Fiera as the nanites’ programming changed and soon the panic subsided. “Gaspare, how long since the war ended?” She couldn’t speak loudly but at least now she could get whole sentences out.

“Five months, Fiera. You’ve been in Michi Nakano’s hands since before it ended.” He looked furious. “My father knew for most of that but kept it from me because he didn’t deem it ‘necessary’ for me to know where you were. If we’d been standing in the same room when he told me he’d have been a bloody mess on the floor. As it was, I almost shot the comm.”

Fiera managed a weak smile. “Kuen?”

“Almost broke every bone in my body during our sparring match after he heard you were alive. We wanted confirmation you were still there and once we had it there was no stopping him. He was going in to save you, with or without me.” Gaspare grinned. “Thankfully I agreed with him.”

“Why?” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I’m just another stupid Colonial ketch. Not worth anything to anyone.” That was what Michi and Lakshmi had told her.

“You’ve been more than that to us for a very long time, Fiera,” Gaspare said gently. “You know that.”

“She told me he was dead, killed on Junna.” Fiera looked over at Kuen. “But he’s not dead.” She struggled to wrap her brain around that. He was still alive. He hadn’t died. She hadn’t killed him like Michi and Lakshmi said.

“No, he’s not. Hang on.” Gaspare leaned over and tapped something on a different panel. Kuen groaned and stretched. He looked over at Fiera. He sat up slowly.

“Kuen,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

“I’m here. Gaspare just made sure I’d actually get some sleep. I – I haven’t been sleeping much since we brought you in,” Kuen said, standing up. He sat down in the chair beside the bed and carefully laid his hand beside hers.

She reached out and put her hand on top of his. “How long have I been here?”

“Three weeks. We had to – we had to undo some massive damage, Fiera,” Gaspare said.

“They healed me so many times,” Fiera whispered. “So many times, they took me to different medical centers. Lakshmi threatened the medical officers into healing me without asking questions. Then I’d be taken back for more torture.” The medication kept the rising panic at bay.

“Once we get you back on your feet, you’re going home, Fiera,” Kuen said. “Back to Sorus.”

“Home?” Fiera shuddered as panic threatened to override the medication again. “They’d always tell me they were taking me home after one of those sessions and it was always back to that hell.”

“This time it’ll be your home,” Gaspare said. “Kuen and I promise we’ll get you back to your family, Fiera.”

“Do I want to know what’s going on in the Colonies?” Fiera asked.

“Not right now,” Emele said firmly. “I want you more stable physically before we get into that.”

“It’s not good then.” Fiera made it a statement but both Kuen and Gaspare shook their heads. “I take it the CAF finally quit playing around and flattened us?”

“Yes, after Junna,” Kuen said. “Ironically it was what happened there that made the CAF realize they needed to step up their attacks.”

Fiera sighed. “I’m responsible for my people being brutalized even worse.”

“Don’t even think that, Fiera.” Kuen flipped his hand over and gently cradled her fingers in his. “It was my mother and your father. We just got caught up in it.”

“Has anyone caught the skybrained bastard yet?” The drugs kept the panic at bay, but it did nothing to dull the old anger.

Kuen shook his head. “No one’s seen him since well before the war started.”

“Ma told me he lit out three years before, ‘bout the time they realized he and his vapor brained friends blew the Lusitania,” Fiera said, slipping back into her Colony accent a little.

“You were able to talk to your mother before the conflict started?” Kuen asked.

“Yeah, and a few times before things got too bad. Ma asked me t’get my brothers t’call her. Couldn’t do nothin’ ‘bout the others, but me and Flicks got through a couple times.” She swallowed hard. “Kuen, did you ever hear if my twin survived?”

“What’s his name?” Gaspare asked.

“Phelix Rezouac.”

Gaspare consulted a list. “Phelix Rezouac never came up on the list of casualties we got on the Colony side. In fact, there are no Rezouac casualties. Your name does come up, but you’re listed as MIA, not dead.”

“Well, that’s somethin’, though ma prob’ly thinks I’m dead or worse,” Fiera muttered.

“Fiera, your blood pressure has elevated, and I’m worried about your physical state right now. I want you to eat and then get some sleep,” Emele said.

“How long am I goin’ t’have t’just eat and sleep?” Fiera asked.

“As long as it takes to get you stable,” Emele said. “Then my brother and this giant vapor brain will smuggle you back into the Colonies.”

“We’re going to have to run for the Colonies ourselves,” Kuen said. He rubbed a hand over short, cropped hair. He hadn’t let it grow out since the war ended. “We didn’t do ourselves any favors with our extraction method and we’ll have a price on our heads soon enough.”

“What did you do?” Fiera asked.

“I killed Lakshmi.” Kuen’s voice was cold, precise, and very angry. “I also throttled my mother, though I left her alive. If we’d killed her, we’d never have gotten off Bouarus.”

“That sadistic ketch is dead?” Fiera started shaking. Even with the medication, the trauma of what she’d experienced washed over her. “She can’t hurt no one no more?”

“She’s gone, Fiera. Lakshmi won’t hurt another living soul,” Kuen said.

Fiera lost control then, breaking into choking sobs that threatened to steal her breath completely. Kuen stood and put an arm around her shoulders. She clung to his arm as if he were a lifeline tossed to her in the middle of a storm.

Emele let her cry until at last she went limp from exhaustion. “I know you don’t feel like it, but Fiera, you’re severely malnourished. I’ve replaced enough nutrients to keep you from dying on us, but I need you to eat as much of this as you can. When you can’t eat anymore, I’ll knock you out. When you wake up the nanites will make sure you don’t throw up. I want you to eat more, even if it’s just a few bites.”

“They used t’force me t’sit at the table with ‘em and eat the food they had. It wasn’t good and if I didn’t eat, they’d torture one of the servants t’punish me for disobeyin’,” Fiera said softly. “Bein’ a heavyworlder the featherweight foods they gave me weren’t ever enough, and ‘cause they was always torturin’ me and doin’ stuff t’me I never had a chance t’heal proper even with the regenerators bein’ used.”

“I don’t want to discuss the mess your insides were in when I put you back together,” Emele said. “Whoever was doing the medical work was not taking time and proper care.”

“They weren’t allowed to. They were just s’posed t’get me back on my feet and we left,” Fiera said. “Never did heal me all the way ever.”

“This is why you’re in such bad shape now,” Emele said. “Which is why you’re on a strict food and sleep regimen for a while.”

“All right.” Fiera ate what she could and then nodded to Emele. The blonde woman pressed the button and sleep overwhelmed her again.

For the next six weeks, Fiera spent most of her time sleeping and eating. She tried to tell Emele more than once that she didn’t think she was getting the right nutrients for a heavyworlder, but Emele told her that she was the medic and knew better than Fiera what her body needed. Emele also wouldn’t let Gaspare and Kuen tell her about what was happening in the Colonies. The constant superior attitude Emele had irritated Fiera. Finally, she had enough.

Emele left her alone while she waited for Kuen and Gaspare to join her. Fiera took a deep breath and tossed back the blankets. She looked at the hideous wreck of her body and wanted to weep. She gritted her teeth. “That festerin’ ketch has a lot t’answer for,” she snarled to herself.

She sat up slowly and then shifted around so her feet were hanging off the bed. So far, so good. There was a robe across the room and Fiera was determined to reach it and put it on. She’d been standing up on her own and taking a few steps each day with Emele watching her. There was no reason why she couldn’t do this now.

It took a few false starts and leaning on a chair once, but she reached the robe and pulled it on over her too thin body. She looked around the room and spied a comb. She reached up and felt the hair that had grown in the nine months since the war. She hobbled over to where the comb was and picked it up. She avoided the mirror and started combing out the snarls.

Kuen and Gaspare came in just as she finished. “Does Em know you’re up and walking?” Gaspare asked.

“No, and even if she did, I don’t care. I’m tired of bein’ stuck in bed,” Fiera said. “I hate bein’ trapped in one place fer so long.”

“Fiera, you went through an unbelievable amount of trauma. It’s a wonder you survived it.” Gaspare shook his head. “Is this more farmgirl stubbornness?”

“Prob’ly. It’s also the fact I’m ready t’shove her out an airlock for all her ‘don’t tell her anythin’’ comments. Just frakkin’ tell me what in the name of all the stars is goin’ on in the Colonies.” Her exasperation and desperation came out in equal measure.

Kuen handed her a tablet. “You won’t like it,” he said quietly. “I don’t live there, and I don’t like it.”

“The Accords?” Fiera leaned against the wall as she read. Her temper rose as she saw the kind of oppression her people were dealing with now. The tablet creaked as she gripped it tighter. She relaxed her hand a little. Wounded or not, she was still stronger than your typical featherweight and she could damage the tablet. Or more likely herself. “This – this is…” Words failed her.

“This is legalized slavery, brutality in its worst form, and the erasure of a people and their way of life,” Kuen said with a hint of the same rage she was feeling. “Gaspare and I have been doing what we can to support the Colonies. We’ve saved what lives we could, freed who we can, done everything we can think of to undo the damage, but we aren’t the Assembly and it’ll take the Councilors voting to rescind the Accords to fix the issues.”

“You don’t understand. Rescindin’ the Accords won’t fix it. The CWA leavin’ the Colonies prob’ly won’t make things better either.” Fiera looked up, tears streaming down her face. “I’m seein’ the death of my people. There is nothin’ left.”

“Don’t give up yet, Fiera. There are a lot of voices who, after things calmed down, have come to realize that this isn’t right. That what’s happening is wrong on so many different levels that now they’re questioning if the CWA even belongs in the Colonies at all.” Gaspare took the tablet back. “There is a push to undo what we’ve done and there are, surprisingly, several Councilors who were in favor of the Accords who are now questioning their validity and wanting to change things back to the way they were before we invaded.”

“But they can’t go back. Don’t you understand? Starfire, you can’t. You’re not from the Colonies. You’ll never know what this is doin’ t’us,” Fiera said, slamming her fist into the wall. She winced. That wasn’t a good idea right now.

“Fiera, you’re going to have to explain it to us. You’re right. We don’t understand,” Kuen said gently.

“Imagine then that you were just livin’ yer life, maybe even enjoyin’ what you were doin’, and someone came in and destroyed that happiness by tellin’ you that you belonged t’them. That yer thoughts, hopes, dreams, yer very existence was wrong and wasn’t allowed,” Fiera said. “Imagine fightin’ a losin’ battle all yer life against those voices. Then you think you might finally have a chance t’break free only t’be shown once and for all just how inferior you really are. Then you have the last of yer freedoms stripped from you and only after all that happens do those same voices say, ‘Oh, we’ve gotten all we can take from you. Now we don’t want you anymore.’ That is what the CWA has done t’the Colonies.”

“I thought I told you two not to tell her what’s been going on,” Emele snapped as she came into the room.

“I read it. They didn’t have t’tell me. And I’m sick of you tellin’ me what I’m capable of. You healed me up and now won’t let me do anythin’ t’progress. Either stop treatin’ me like some breakable child or get out of my way ‘cause I’m goin’ t’do it anyway and I will knock you on yer ass if you get in front of me,” Fiera snarled, the final thread of her patience snapping.

“Fiera, would you like a proper shower?” Kuen asked. “And something other than a hospital gown and bathrobe to wear?”

“Nothin’ like I wore on Bouarus, Kuen,” Fiera said.

“I was thinking something more like what I’m wearing.”

Fiera sized him up. He was wearing a loose-fitting shirt and tight pants with what looked like combat boots. “So long as you’ve got somethin’ t’keep my chest from bouncin’ around like a damned bobble toy I can manage.”

“Oh, we can definitely find you something. You are taking her to your room, Kuen?” Gaspare was glaring at his sister.

“Yes. I’ll install her in the small bedroom across from mine. I want her where I can keep a close watch on her,” Kuen said.

“All right.” Gaspare folded his arms across his chest. “I’ll deal with my sister.”

“Fiera, my room is on the opposite side of the house,” Kuen said.

“I’ll walk there if it kills me,” Fiera said through gritted teeth.

“I would hope it doesn’t come to that. Just let me know if you need to take a moment to catch your breath,” Kuen said. He didn’t quite hide the smile and Fiera felt a little better about her rebellion.

Fiera nodded and the two started slowly down the hall. Fiera could hear Gaspare start dressing down Emele before they got around the corner. She glanced up at Kuen. “He sounds pretty angry with her.”

“She’s been deliberately holding you back because she has some idea of what you should be before you start doing things independently, forgetting that you are a thinking human being with a very real need to go home,” Kuen said. “She’s also been fighting with us about whether or not we’re taking you back to Sorus. She says your recovery won’t happen if you’re on your homeworld but both Gaspare and I feel it can’t continue if you stay in the Core.”

“You’re not thinkin’ of my physical recovery, are you?” Fiera asked quietly.

“No, we’re not. You need to go home, Fiera. You need to see your brothers and sisters, to hug your mother. You have to go back to work on the farm. Even if all you do is water the plants in your mother’s garden,” Kuen said.

Fiera snorted. “And what are you two goin’ t’do?”

“Take you to Sorus, make sure you’re safe, and then find somewhere we can disappear,” Kuen said with a sigh.

Fiera slammed into him, knocking him off balance and pinning him to the wall. She knew he could easily push her off. She was nothing compared to what she’d been before Michi Nakano got her hands on her. Yet he let her hold him in place with her feeble strength and negligible weight.

“Don’t you dare vanish out of my life again, Kuen.” She shook with fear. “I can’t – I can’t do that again. I won’t go through my life not knowin’ what happened t’the man I loved. That was torture durin’ the war, she used it against me while she had me, and now yer sayin’ you’ll drop me off on the farm and leave? I won’t let you go, Kuen. Not again.”

Kuen wrapped his arms around her. “Fiera, how am I going to fit on Sorus. I’m two meters tall, I am Core by my very appearance. You know what you told me before the war ended. How will that look for your family?”

“I don’t know.” Fiera didn’t hide the tears this time. “I just – I can’t do it again, Kuen. Not this time. You don’t know what it was like fer me. I felt like I was dyin’ a little every day. Do you think I’ll survive that right now?”

He kissed the top of her head. “All right, my phoenix. We’ll find some way of making this work. Perhaps your mother will have an idea.”

“She might try t’shoot you on sight,” Fiera said with a shaky laugh. “But if I can get her t’listen, she’s pretty smart. Smarter’n me sometimes.”

“She’s raised how many children, mostly on her own, and runs that massive farm you told us about? I’d say she would have to be fairly smart to do that,” Kuen said, holding her tight.

“There’s eleven of us, and if she had t’put up with my da fer so long and survived him you know she’s pretty quick,” Fiera said.

“If we can avoid being murdered by your mother, I’m sure she’ll come up with some way to help me and Gaspare,” Kuen said.

Fiera relaxed against him, shudders passing through her as the panic attack subsided. “How many more of these d’you think I’ll have?”

“Fiera, I don’t think PTSD even comes close to describing what you’re dealing with. You will probably have these panic attacks for the rest of your life,” Kuen said.

“Great,” Fiera grumbled. “I’m going t’be a sobbin’, quiverin’ mess fer the next ten decades.”

“I don’t think it’ll be this bad for the whole time. I do think you’ll learn to work past them. We just have to find the right method. Obviously counting backwards isn’t the right one,” Kuen said, referring to his usual trick. She’d tried it several times and it just didn’t work for her. “It’ll just take some time. Now, let’s go find you that shower and those clothes.”

“Yes please. The robe’s nice but a bit too drafty,” Fiera said, wrinkling her nose. “Plus I know I stink.” She paused. “Kuen, can you cut my hair fer me? Short, like yers.” “I’d love to, my phoenix,” Kuen said. They resumed their slow progress down the hall.